Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Wow, a long coming update

I can't believe it's been so long now. And here I am, still very much pregnant, and very thankful. This week I have finally allowed myself to feel like this is going to happen. I have tried to stop myself from thinking that anything I do is going to jinx it. I got out my maternity clothes and have even worn some of them to work. We have started talking openly to Mia about the fact that she is going to be a big sister. (She's confused, by the way...she keeps talking about the baby in HER belly and how SHE is going to be a mommy...someday, Mia. Someday a looooooooooooong time from now.)
We had our 14 week appointment on Monday, and I found out that I have only gained 1/2 lb. since my 10 week appointment. Dr. E jumped all over that and asked what was going on. I told him that at the beginning of May, right after we moved, I got very sick and lost about 5 lbs. in as many days. He seemed to let it go at that, but told me to basically let the weight gain begin! I told him that I gained too much with Mia (about 50 lbs) and stopped short of saying that I am doing anything I can to avoid that happening again. I am not restricting food, but I feel like I am eating much better. With Mia, just about all I could eat at this point were carbs like milk, ice cream, bread, waffles, and McChicken sandwiches. I was also not running around after a toddler.
Basically I am petrified of breaking the 200-lb mark again. Granted, that happened when I was 41 weeks and miserable after the foodfest of Christmas 2004, but I am just afraid that I will never lose that weight. It's so vain, but I want to be healthy too.
Anyway, on matters other than weight, Chad and I made a sudden decision to go ahead with the quad screen. I wasn't going to, but now I want to be prepared. Up to this point my feeling has been that it would be near impossible for me to terminate a pregnancy if something were really wrong. After going through a D&C that was definitely not my choice, I can't imagine making that decision on my own.
But now I feel like we need to be ready for whatever might happen. There is no history of birth defects in my family, but there was no history of miscarriage either and that happened to me.
The baby, which I am pretty sure has a wee-wee, is up really high in my lower abdomen. I was shocked when Dr. E pointed out where my uterus is. I knew that I could feel the bottom of something right below my belly button, but I had no clue that it was the baby. I guess I figured that like my previous pregnancy, at this point the bottom of my uterus would still be tucked down in my pelvis. Weird.
That made it very hard to get a heartbeat reading, although it was definitely there. Maybe baby is towards the back; Dr. E. says he has absolutely no concerns that this baby implanted anywhere near my C-section scar or my cervix--it's not even close!
All of this talk made it much easier for me to accept that this pregnancy is going to stick. I had caught myself getting excited up to now, always stopping myself with, "you're not lucky enough to really have a baby." I can be really cruel to myself.
Next appointment is in June, and quad-screen test will be sometime next week, when I am 15 weeks.

No comments: