Tuesday, March 18, 2008

A numbers game

So we are back in the rollercoaster, climbing up the hill...feeling that our throats will close to make room for our stomachs which have decided to jump up...
...Pregnant again.
I have so many mixed feelings about this. To be perfectly honest, this was the one month in the past year that I truly would have been OK to NOT see the plus sign. Our timing was off, I could not tell when I even ovulated, and the week prior to finding out was seriously one of the most stressful in our lives.
We had just listed our house for sale on March 1 and to our utter shock, had it sold on March 4. We had no prospects for a new house lined up, so we went into house-search overdrive. Everything we looked at was just crap. I had visions of putting all of our stuff into storage and moving in with Mom, Rich and Grandma...every night I prayed to God to please, please send us a house. And He did--after just 5 days of looking, we ended up in the perfect house, even priced below market. We jumped to make an offer when the house had only been on the market 2 days, only to be told that the owners were in Vermont on a skiing vacation and wouldn't be able to see the offer for a few days.
Again I prayed. A lot. I also made myself so sick with worry that I actually did become physically ill. I put it in God's hands, and by some miracle, the owner had the offer faxed to him in Vermont and accepted it with no contingencies the same day we made the offer. The following week was a continuation of the stress as we now had inspections to complete and approve. My heart was in my throat all week, but in the back of my mind I knew that an important date was looming, and then passed...my period being due.
I refused to test, vividly remembering last month's experience and the fact that I had a positive pregnancy test as late as the day before my period was due, only to end up with a chemical pregnancy. I argued with my chart, justifying that my period wasn't really due on Tuesday, but probably Wednesday. When Wednesday came and went, I had to face the truth and get the little test out of the box.
Of course it was positive. And the one I took two days later was still positive. And the blood tests that the OB ordered showed very nice doubling. I just can't believe that God would think that THIS was the month for us to get pregnant--He seems to have a very interesting insight...
We are now looking at a higher mortgage payment and TWO daycare tuitions this time next year. How in the heck will this work?! But I put my faith in Him with the whole house thing and He is really coming through for us. How can I not trust that we will be OK?